Oldies but goodies....for the aviation types here...

[stew71]

THE TWELVE FLYING DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my instructor gave to me...
Twelve-hundred squawking,
Eleven towers talking;
Ten minutes holding;
Nine charts a-folding;
Eight in-flight briefings;
Seven route re-thinkings;
Six flights computing;
FIVE FORCED LANDINGS!
Four short approaches;
Three full stalls;
Two-hour preflight;
And a regulation 91.3.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Landing Rating Scale:
5. Marvelous, ace. Couldn't do better myself.
4. I've seen better; just can't remember when.
3. Average. I could do better with my eyes closed.
2. You going to log all of those?
1. That wasn't a landing; that was an arrival. Check your ELT.
0. Get the flatbed, boys.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
High Flight

Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds -- and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of -- wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long, delirious burning blue,
I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew.
And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
The high untresspassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

-- RCAF Flight-Lieutenant John Gillespie Magee Jr.
(1922-1941).
****************************************************************
Chopper Flight

Oh, I've slipped the surly bonds of earth
And hovered out of ground effect on semi-rigid blades;
Earthward I've auto'ed and met the rising brush of
Non-paved terrain;
And done a thousand things you would never care to
Skidded and dropped and flared low in the heat soaked roar.
Confined there, I've chased the earthbound traffic
And lost the race to insignificant Headwinds;
Forward and up a little in ground effect I've topped the General's hedge with drooping turns
Where never Skyhawk or even Phantom flew.
Shaking and pulling collective,
I've lumbered the low untresspassed halls of victor airways,
Put out my hand and touched a tree.
***************************************************************
Archer Flight

Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of rope
A few feet from the road.
I whip the PA28 'round so fast
Exceeds the max'mum load.
I've slipped, I've stalled, I've spiral dived,
Spun past the sixth full turn.
"You can't do that!" the new ones say,
They've got a lot to learn.
I find a thermal, turn in it
To try and gain some height.
But I must beat the Cessna down
Or this is my last flight!
On 2-3 fly a crooked base
Then crank the plane around.
Or 2-9: pass the hangers then I dive straight for the ground!
But the best is 3-6 final when I know I should be higher,
Put out my hand and touch the passing telephone wire!
****************************************************************
Intruder Flight

Oh! I've slipped through the swirling clouds of dust,
a few feet from the dirt,
I've flown the 'truder low enough,
to make my bottom hurt.
I've rode the deserts, hills,
valleys and mountains too,
Frolicked in the trees,
where only flying squirrels flew.
Chased the frightened cows along,
disturbed the ram and ewe,
And done a hundred other things,
that you'd not care to do.
I've smacked the tiny sparrow,
bluebird, robin, all the rest,
I've ingested baby eaglets,
simply sucked them from their nest!
I've streaked through total darkness,
just the other guy and me,
And spent the night in terror of
things I could not see.
I've turned my eyes to heaven,
as I sweated through the flight,
Put out my hand and touched,
the master caution light.
****************************************************************
High Flight (FAA Supplement)

1. Pilots must insure that all surly bonds have been slipped entirely before flight is attempted.
2. During periods of severe sky dancing, crew and passengers must keep seatbelts fastened. Crew should wear shoulder belts as provided.
3. Sunward climbs must not exceed the maximum permitted aircraft ceiling.
4. Passenger aircraft are prohibited from joining the tumbling mirth.
5. Pilots flying through sun-split clouds under VFR conditions must comply with all applicable minimum clearances.
6. Do not perform these hundred things in front of Federal Aviation Administration inspectors.
7. Wheeling, soaring, and swinging will not be attempted except in aircraft rated for such activities and within utility class weight limits.
8. Be advised that sunlit silence will occur only when a major engine malfunction has occurred.
9. "Hov'ring there" will constitute a highly reliable signal that a flight emergency is imminent.
10. Forecasts of shouting winds are available from the local FSS. Encounters with unexpected shouting winds should be reported by pilots.
11. Pilots flinging eager craft through footless halls of air are reminded that they alone are responsible for maintaining separation from other eager craft.
12. Should any crewmember or passenger experience delirium while in the burning blue, submit an irregularity report upon flight termination.
13. Windswept heights will be topped by a minimum of 1,000 feet to maintain VFR minimum separations.
14. Aircraft engine ingestion of, or impact with, larks or eagles should be reported to the FAA and the appropriate aircraft maintenance facility.
15. Aircraft operating in the high untresspassed sanctity of space must remain in IFR flight regardless of meteorological conditions and visibility.
16. Pilots and passengers are reminded that opening doors or windows in order to touch the face of God may result in loss of cabin pressure.